Monday, May 30, 2011

The Next Best Thing Syndrome

Why is it that men can move on to the next woman after claiming to love and want to spend the rest of his life with the one just before her? I mean 5, 6, 7 months and you “love” the next girl and want to marry her? I don’t get it and it has nothing to do with being a man.

I’m not saying women don’t do this. There are some women who do, but I find this happens a lot with men in particular. Whether it is because they are afraid of settling or being alone, the issue is very significant. Especially when you are the woman just before the next best thing or the next best thing.

I know what it’s like to be, more often than not, the woman just before the next best thing. The last three men that I really liked or was involved with either married someone 6 months after breaking up with me or was in a “serious” relationship with the next best thing acting like he wanted to be with me. Neither position is a beneficial one for the woman involved. She is the one that always gets hurt.

Meanwhile, the man gets to have his cake and eat it, too. Unfair.

Ironically, two were ministers when I met them and became pastors and the third was a very talented musician. All educated, charming, handsome (or at least I thought so) and seemingly felt that I would make a good wife. If I wasn’t so confident in myself, I’d think something was wrong with me.

I’ve been told by all three that I would make an excellent wife. The one I had a relationship with said God told him I was his wife… he is now married to someone else he met on Myspace. The young man that I liked a little over a year before I met my ex ended up marrying a teenager. He was 26 at the time. The musician… now the musician, he was a charmer. I couldn’t even begin to be upset with this man. He was the most handsome out of them all, he was the one with the most potential… he was dating someone in another state, but acted as if he was single. I will just say a lot of comments were thrown my way and made me and everyone else around us think that he was single and liked me very much.

These are the most dangerous kind of men. All of them seemingly convinced that I was a good woman, married or continued a relationship with the next best thing.

I have to say even though I am good friends with the musician and don’t speak to the ministers, I can’t devote much trust into any of them because their intentions, however unintentional, are reckless. I cannot afford to be played with at this stage in my life. Someone is bound to get hurt and it won’t be me this time. A fair warning to the men out there: Don’t play with a woman’s heart because she just might turn around and break your knees! You won’t know her breaking point until you’ve pushed her to it.